I have my head examined.

I spent a happy six hours today having my head examined.

They asked me if I knew what day and date it was, what city I was in, what building, which floor. They rattled off strings of words and challenged me to recall them. They had me count backward from 100 by sevens then from 20 by threes. I drew a clock face showing the time as 11:10 -- twice. I drew geometric shapes ranging from simple (circle) to harder (3D box). Lots more brain-teasers. Took hours.

(c) ClipArtMax

Not content to stop there, they siphoned off enough blood to feed breakfast to a vampire. Took blood pressure the proper way -- resting 5 minutes, feet flat on floor. Asked questions medical, personal, even intimate. O the fun I had.

And the fun my son Sam had too -- as my "study partner." The ADNI folks ask the study partner questions designed to rat out the study subject. Sam never cracked. They praised him afterward. Little did they know.

It all took place at Howard University Hospital in, yup, the District of Columbia on, right-o, the fourth floor.

Howard University Hospital (c) Wikimedia Commons

This wasn't my first rodeo however.

I've been participating in an Alzheimer's study known by the acronym ADNI for 20+ years.

It started with ADNI-1. It's up to ADNI-4 now.

Each time one ADNI ended, I'd be asked if I wantws to re-up for the next one. Each time I'd say OK. My reasons were twofold:

1. If by terrible chance I did get dementia, I'd be assured cutting-edge care. That's the selfish reason.

2. My participation could help future generations avoid the scourge of dementia. That's the altruistic reason.

But today there was a third reason: fun. I can't say I enjoyed prior visits all that much, but today I had a fine time.

The day started bright and sunny. It was 27 chilly degrees when I set off at 7:30 a.m., but 51 when I got back in the car at 2:30 p.m.

The ADNI I found was improved from the ADNI I'd started with. They've sanded off some rough edges.

Plus I met some nice people. The new study coordinator, Jillian Turner, and her colleagues were a pleasure to work with. The woman who interviewed son Sam, Dr. Somebody (sorry but I couldn't possibly spell her name, let alone pronounce it), told me what a fine fellow my boy is. I agreed.

And now they've added swag. Previously ADNI paid parking and that was that. Now there's parking plus a $125 gift card for me, and Sam gets a $50 gift card for the hour he spent on the phone. We eat tonight.

Finally, for the first time, ADNI will release my reports to me. Considering I'm getting the most thorough physical of my entire life, including MRI and PET scans to come, that's a good thing.

One of the reports that will be offered is the one that says whether my brain is riddled with the plaques and tangles of Alzheimer's. The report many folks would prefer not to see.

But after I underwent hours of memory and reasoning tests -- the same tests our President once claimed he aced -- I said yes, please give me the plaques-and-tangles results too.

See, I think I aced those memory and reasoning tests, just like Donald. I think they will say I'm doing OK.

And if they say otherwise -- that my brain is full of junk even though I act normal -- why, so much the better. Tells me it's time to start on a cutting-edge Alzheimer's drug -- the kind that works best in the early stages.

I entered ADNI-world as a "normal control" -- a person without dementia, to be measured against persons burdened with it. Each time I went back, I crossed my fingers that I'd still be "normal." Today, some 10 years since the last time I took these tests, I believe I. Am. Still. Normal.

Most readers of these essays don't know how old I am. I haven't said and I'm not about to. But just by writing about this topic, you've surely figured out I'm an Old Guy.

That's OK. As my beloved mother-in-law Helen used to say, I still have my mibs. Now, thanks to ADNI, I may have something more as well: free insurance on my mibs.

Frank S Joseph Author

P.S. ADNI needs you. Whether you're old or young, sharp as a tack or starting to slip, there may be an ADNI site near you. If you've considered participating in such a study, check out this map.

P.P.S. My library presentation last Saturday, talking about my award-winning novel To Do Justice, went great. Left me wishing for more personal appearances. If your library, bookstore, book group, community center, etc., is looking for a presenter, I'm available.